In early June just as the kids were wrapping up school and
we were evaluating what to do about the state of all of our adoptions, we found
out that V’s relinquishment document was ALSO incorrect. Hers also stated that
her mom relinquished her in court two months after she died. YEAH. Even in
Haiti that’s impossible. Thus catapulting V’s adoption right back into the
crapper. Every bit of documentation related to her relinquishment had to be
completely redone. But not just paperwork. Court appointments had to be made
and her great aunt had to establish rights to her and then give them up. Which
makes no sense. Her mother died. There is no birth father on record. Her aunt
carried her little body to the orphanage and turned her over and for that, she
has established rights and will have to go through the entire process of this
adoption as if she is V’s mom. It is unfair to her. The emotional roller coaster
of this process fails so many. Especially the men and women who make the
hardest decisions of their lives – to give their jewels, their children to
another. And the scariest part of all of this, in addition to more time wasted,
is that there will be a 30-day window available for her family to reclaim her
if they so choose. While I completely understand that anyone who has the
ability to raise a child they love should be given that opportunity, V is 18
months old and has bonded with our family. She knows us to be her family. And
this would be a catastrophic interruption in her life. It just made me so sad
to hear that we would be going through everything we had just accomplished for
Parker all over again with V. It took us a year and a half to get Parker’s
relinquishment document corrected. What more will happen before our kids can
just come home already?!!! I found out that I shouldn’t ask that question.
On June 28, 2013 our files were re-submitted for MOI
approval AGAIN. AS of June we started seeing a gradual trickle of families
who’s files our files were HELD for receive passports and get submitted for
visas. It had become very obvious
that our boys would not be coming home any time soon. And I had to come to the
incredibly emotional conclusion that our boys wouldn’t be home for summer camps
or possibly even in time for school. At that point in time, I decided to move
to Haiti and oversee the remainder of this process to bring my boys home and do
what ever possible to love my daughter, teach her to walk, advocate for her
file to be submitted to IBESR and get her re-matched with our family. One could
say the crazy switch had been flipped and I was as they say in Kreyol, “FINI”!
Enough of this already.
On July 12, 2013 Britt and Leo and I arrived in Haiti. We
dropped our 15 bags off at the hotel and got a ride from the owner, Abi. He
took us to the orphanage to pick up Parker and Djedly and to see V. I know the boys had no idea that this
would be “it”. But I tried to explain to them that I had decided that I
couldn’t say goodbye to them again, so I moved to Haiti and they would be
living with me until I could take them home. Upon our arrival, we found out
that V’s documents would need further evaluation and it would likely still take
months before her file would be submitted to IBESR and a re-match would take
place. This eliminated any hope I had that she would also be able to live with
us. So we set up a schedule and started visiting the orphanage every other day.
I felt it was necessary for the other four kids to have some down time in
between the long and hot days spent on the porch. In our down time we spent
every afternoon swimming in the pool, playing games, watching movies and doing
anything possible to stave off boredom and not melt in the Haitian summer sun.
A few weeks after we arrived we found out that the STUCK crew was headed to
Haiti with my friend to film her picking up her daughters. I was delighted that
their process had finally come to a successful conclusion. Surprisingly, one
day while we were sitting on the porch with V, Craig Juntunen and Cynthia
McFadden and her film crew from ABC Nightline showed up at the orphanage. They
were gathering footage to use for a special Nightline was producing to follow
up on our STUCK march and rally from May. I spoke with Cynthia and Craig on
camera at length about my desire to remain in Haiti with my children until they
could come home. I hope to be able
to follow up with them one day soon to report that I have cut 2 of my STUCK
bracelets off and that only one remains on my wrist. I am not sure if or when
this special will be aired. It seems that Syria and all the other really
important drama that is currently taking place in the world has put our
adoption issue on the back burner. If anyone sees the airing of, or knows about the special we
were interviewed for, please let me know.
*NOTE: The special aired. Our interview was scrapped, but I
think this is a good interview. My friend Ruth is a wonderful example of the
process we are all experiencing. I was very happy to see her take her girls
home. You can see her interview here:
One of the beautiful opportunities that living in Haiti had
given me is the ability to drop everything one day and race over to the
orphanage to spend a few hours with V’s family. The one and only time prior to
that day that I had seen anyone from her family was the day that her great aunt
Violette relinquished her. I was ecstatic to see her again. When we arrived at
the orphanage I was overjoyed to not only see Violette, but her niece Orlanda
who is V’s aunt and her mom Edline’s little sister, as well as her cousin
Decklove. I told them that we were very happy to spend time with them and I
cried because I was happy to have the opportunity for them to know how happy I
am to be V’s mom. I wanted them to know how deeply she is loved and that we
will give her the best life we possibly can. I brought V out to the porch so
that we could all talk and spend time together and it sadly became very
apparent that V wanted nothing to do with them as long as I was there. It broke
my heart. I do think that it was a valuable experience for them to see how
deeply bonded we are. But seeing the look on Orlanda’s face when she tried to
love her older sister’s child and felt rejected was simply gut wrenching for
me. I could only imagine how many nights they may have lay in their tent
together watching little V bounce and kick around inside Edline’s body. And I
knew that Orlanda would do any and everything she possibly could to love and
take care of V if she could. But she is a child. And she cannot. I hope that I effectively communicated
my love and intent to give V the life she deserves to have. I asked them if
they wanted V to know anything about her mom as she grows up. They answered
that they are the only family that V has left. A few days later, I was given another chance to see Orlanda
and Decklove. This time they brought their cousin Kimberly as well. I knew that
V would lose her mind and not spend any time with them if I were in her view.
So I decided to spend time away from them and let them spoil her with the
suckers and Pringles for a few hours. I hope they understand that I really want
them to have as much time with her as possible. Later that day when she saw me,
she lost her mind and tried to dive out of Orlanda’s arms. I’m understandably
likely not one of Orlanda’s favorite people because of V’s immediate response.
And I don’t know what else to do but tell Orlanda that I love V and promise to
be the best mom I possibly can. I live by the strict orders a friend gave me
when we started the process to adopt V, and I love her WAY TOO MUCH. Always!
We were also very lucky to have a few opportunities to meet
more of the boys’ family and spend several days with their mom, Epheta. She
stops by the o once in a while and brings the boys fruit and snacks. It’s
always awesome to see her. It is so obvious that she loves her boys. Though it
must break her heart, I know she is happy that they are going to have full and
happy and productive lives. And I feel her thanks in the look in her eyes when
we hug. One day Epheta brought her mom and dad. It was beautiful to meet the
boys’ grandparents. They have passed on their kind eyes and features to the
boys. I loved every minute of our small family reunion. They hugged and loved
on the boys and they expressed their feelings about the boys leaving Haiti.
They told me that they will say goodbye with a smile on their face and that
their tears will be happy tears, for they know that the boys are loved. I of
course was shedding my own happy tears…buckets of them. I wanted to bottle up
grandma and grandpa and take the lot of them home with me. I felt so relieved
to have finally been able to meet the man and woman who struggled to build a
life for their children and who are now watching as those lives will make their
way to another country because their own country has failed to deliver the
lives they intended, the lives they deserve. I explained to grandpa and grandma
that I will raise the boys to always love Haiti and never let it leave their
hearts. In addition to meeting a
whole bunch of aunts and uncles, we also came to find out that Ostin, a little
boy we’ve known for two plus years, who is being adopted by some friends of
ours, is the boys’ cousin. So not only did we inherit a gaggle of Haitian
family, but we also have a new nephew and two new nieces. Ostin, Woodmany and
Youvika, Kelly & William Blanchard are now our family too.
August came pretty fast, even though every day sitting on
the hot porch seemed to drag on. On the 2nd of August we were
notified that we had finally received MOI approval for a SECOND time. We expected to move forward to
Passports. On August 5, we were notified that we had been submitted for
passports. A few days later, J arrived to spend a few days with us and to take
Britt and Leo home for the remaining few weeks of the summer and for
school. We spent our days at the
orphanage so that J would have time with V. She didn’t recognize him, which was
abundantly sad. How could we expect her to recognize him? It had been five
months since she had seen him. Each day he spent time holding her and talking
to her, trying to tell her how much he loves her. But she gave a good duck face
and cried and looked to me for comfort. That was so hard to watch. I really
wanted him to have that sweet snuggle time that the two of them shared in March
when he first held her. He desperately wanted her to know he wad Dad and for
her to know how much he loves and misses her.
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