Depravity: The cup of my adoptions runneth over

My facebook status’ have been a true reflection of the up’s and down’s in this process. Here’s an example of “down”:

It helped nothing but I told my agency for the boys' adoptions that they're worthless today. They are worthless. When I'm the one in Haiti informing them of the status of my pathetically dysfunctional adoptions after I've been legally required to hire them and pay them; that seems like the perfect definition of WORTHLESS.

The death certificate for their father who died in 2006, needs yet another certification. I'm so tired of thinking that we're almost "there" and finding out we're not!!

We are also still waiting on several documents that remain at Archives as well as possibly in the possession of the orphanage lawyer. I keep hoping that we will finally be submitted for their visas, but every time we get close we find out that something else hasn't been done or there's "one more signature" needed, or there's another document that we had previously been told is ready that is not.

To complicate matters, our third adoption counselor in two and a half years has left or was fired from the agency last week. I can't begin to describe how frustrating it is to be at the end stages of very complicated adoptions and find out that all of the information that one person contains on our process will effectively leave with her and all that will remain are some notes. Our agency for the boys has conducted themselves in the most unprofessional way through this whole process. They don't know what advocacy is, but they're really good at keying in the numbers for our credit card.

This failure to launch crap is nauseating enough to me. I'm sure it has caused all kids of confusion for those of you who read the posts and get excited with us and then don't see the follow up posts that explain that despite what we've been told, we are still not ready.

I have to come back to the states on November 26 for another Remicade infusion and Leo's birthday. At this point, I seriously doubt that the boys will be coming home with me. I will return to Haiti December 3. Unless the boys are submitted and approved by my return, it'll be looking bleak for Christmas as well. So please hold off on the questions about when they will be coming home. To say that I'm in a really bad place with all of this is a grand understatement. I just can't handle the questions. I understand them, but I can't handle them.

We have sought help. So please stop suggesting that we get help. We waited a very long time intentionally as to not cause problems for V's adoption. There is a wide network of families and staff and board members who read my posts, and we have tried to let the process evolve naturally. We can no longer let that be the case. Please don't share my status and ask lawyers to help us. I appreciate your thoughts but it doesn't help us. We are working with several people to get all the remaining documents and make sure that the documents will be accepted by the embassy and approved for visas.

This process is long and complicated and it has been made more so. Please don't assume that the problems we have had will automatically be the problems any of you currently adopting will face. We have had very unique and difficult problems at a late stage in the process because things were not handled properly in the beginning of our process. We have given feedback about all of this and it has been heard. We hope that changes in the process will come from our experiences.

In the mean time, we all continue to hope that we can work together to get the boys home as soon as possible and to facilitate V's adoption as fast as the new process will allow.

Today will be another day in the Haiti adoption trenches. All I can say is that I hope that I can very soon join the other families who have finished this process and who have their happy and healthy children home. I want to look back on this fondly and successfully. But I'm really far from that right now.

Here’s an example of an “up” that in retrospect makes me want to vomit:

We have a CERTIFIED DEATH CERTIFICATE EXTRACT!!!!!

Most seriously effed up statement ever.

And the following post is another “down”:

Sadness is waking up to a flight itinerary on hold for November 26 to fly home for a Remicade infusion and Leo's birthday and return to Haiti December 3. I can't stomach the thought of bringing Christmas back with me and having my family divided for it. That is an unacceptable thought. I'm missing so much of Britt's and Leo's lives. I am not ok with this not concluding by Thanksgiving so that we can all be together. It's even less acceptable for our family to not spend a fourth Christmas apart.

The boys' files remain incomplete as of the end of this week. There are several documents that are at the national archives office. Others are apparently in the possession of a lawyer for the orphanage. Why? Good question. This should have all been taken care of months ago. There is a certification needed on a document that is six months old. We have been told that the ministry of justice has flat out refused to sign it. There is something in the works to try to get it signed anyway. But without that signature, the boys don't leave this island. Every single time I think we have everything (because our agency has told us for months that all docs are ready to go and all we need is the passports), we find out that there is yet more to do. Their files are not ready to submit to the embassy. When they finally are ready, we are still looking at several weeks to get through that process. It would take several miracles for me to bring the boys home with me on that November 26 flight. I'm so fed up with this process failing my family. It is time for us to have our happy "gotcha day" and get the boys out of Haiti!

It's just time for the itinerary to contain three one way tickets. Enough already.

A post with a hope for an “up” kind of day:

Today is a good...no a GREAT day for miracles.

So bring 'em!!! Please!!! We are ready!!!

Later that day, the “down”:

Today delivered anything but miracles.

I was informed that Djedly's birth certificate extract is fake. Despite efforts to locate it, the original birth certificate is missing. No one knows where it is. To get another birth certificate, we (my lawyer) will have to go to St. Raphael where Djedly was born and apply for a new birth certificate. He will then have to register the birth certificate with archives and request a new extract and have that extract signed by three separate government offices. This will not be a quick fix.

My boys will not be coming home for at least several more months. I am now actively starting to look for a fostering option. They need to be in school and I want them in a safe and healthy home-like environment until I can take them home.

The man who is responsible for this apparently felt no need to come and deliver the remaining mess of my adoption documents as requested today because he decided to drive to the countryside this afternoon. He has in his possession the proof that my boys are adopted. The original documentation.

There are no words to describe how horrifying it was to sit down with my boys tonight and explain that I will not be taking them home for a long time. Every single day they ask me if I'm submitting their documents to the embassy. They want to go home.

They have watched 28 children who were referred after them leave to start the rest of their lives with their families. It is their turn. And yet once again, it is not.

This is a crime.

And because misery loves company, here's more “down”:

This is my son Parker. He is 13 years old. He watched his father die when he was 7 years old. And though his heart was breaking, he stood up and became a man and took care of his mom and his newborn little brother, Djedly.

We have been able to give Parker a fraction of his childhood back, but we've also watched him grow into the fine young man who will soon tower over me.  Since coming to Haiti in July, he has confided so many things in me. He is terrified about what life holds for him. But he is ready for the next step.

Tonight I had to tell him that because a man who has the most important job in our adoption process has failed, he will continue to wait to come home. He knows how close he has come to going home. We could have been celebrating Christmas together at home this year. But instead, because a man who doesn't care about my children is in control of their documents, they will have to continue to wait for someone to care enough to help us get them out of Haiti.

Absent from his face tonight is his beautiful smile and the confident and secure twinkle in his eye. Tonight he feels as broken as the process that is failing him.

Even more “down”:

This is my son Djedly. He was born in 2006, four months after his father died. He survived the earthquake and then malaria. He was placed in our orphanage when he was 3 years old. He was alone until we accepted our referral for him in May 2011 and reunited him with his older brother by starting a second adoption of Parker in September 2011.

Since I moved to Haiti in July 2013, we have been told that we were waiting for passports and that our files were "embassy ready" and we would be able to submit for their visas very soon. For several weeks I've been told that we would be able to submit for our visas within days.

Today the ground broke out from underneath us. We are devastated and beyond heartbroken that our boys will continue to live here in Haiti because of incompetence and apathy.

Children cannot come home with falsified documentation. A crime has been committed against my children and there is no justice that will be served. The sentence is more of their lives. They will continue to wait for someone to care enough about them to make this right and let us take them home.

This is Djedly. He matters. He is not just a number. He is not just a face. He is a little boy with an incredible smile. His favorite color is yellow. He loves cars and video games. He wants to be a gymnast. And we love him.

And in another attempt to be “up” and jump on the November “thankful for…” bandwagon, I started my day with this “up”:

I am thankful that my children can smile through all of this.

And then the day disintegrated into this “down”:

These boys just want to come home. But a broken system is robbing them of their childhoods.  Falsified documentation has robbed my family of the opportunity to submit for visas for our boys - who have been legally our children for almost a year - until documents are redone.

This is an absolute crime.

I am seriously ready for an “up” kinda post that won’t later have to be retracted because another document is missing or another signature is needed. We are long overdue for the “they’re coming home” post! My tea pot and my cup runneth over. I've had enough. I can't swallow anymore of this absolute and utter depravity.