Giving Unexpected Thanks

There is so much that has been disappointing and horrible in the past year that I find it hard to focus on the good things that have happened. I have specifically been asked to write about the good things at our orphanage, so those I’ve been working with please take note: Not everything is always bad.

One of the first people I met when we first started this process absolutely terrified me. She is a force to reckon with at our orphanage and many know her as “the enforcer”. I’ve come to know and love this woman. I deeply respect her and admire her. However, when I first started visit the orphanage I didn’t know that her job and her responsibilities involve her using her scary façade to cut through the junk and deal with problems, prevent problems, and hold people accountable. What I didn’t know about her is that she fiercely loves and protects the kids. She is an awesome advocate and I am deeply appreciative for the work she does to support the orphanage and protect the children in this process.  I have a series of photos taken by a friend from the day we first met Djedly. I cherish them. In addition to loving that I have our first moments documented, I also love that this woman is in the background of these photos. And there is a progression of a visible look on her face that starts with a keen critical analysis of us and ends in a joyful smile of approval. I know that she loves my children. And I know that she loves their mother.

This same woman is one of the reasons V is alive. There are many people who have loved and do love V. And I’m so thankful for the love she has received because she is alive and thriving through love. V was brought to the orphanage when she was 4 days old. She was blind and deaf and hadn’t eaten. Her body was so frail and I was convinced she wouldn’t live. Her eyes were sealed shut and her skin was peeling off. She was totally creepy looking and the smell her little body had is nearly indescribable. She was rotting.  She was dying. Her mother passed away from complications related to pre-eclampsia. So, essentially, she tragically bled to death. This woman, “the enforcer” was one of the first people to help assess and care for our baby. As V continued to struggle long after she arrived at the orphanage, she needed to be hospitalized several times. This woman, being that she is an awesome woman, is also an awesome mother; and it was her son who allowed for V to be admitted at the hospital where she received the incredible care that saved her life twice.

In addition to this fiercely respected woman, there are so many other women who have loved and cared for V. The nannies and several missionaries have spent hundreds of hours nursing and caring for V. They have prayed over and for her, they have nourished her body and soul. They have loved her for me on the days that my love had to travel across oceans and deep into their hearts. And she is alive, and happy, and thriving because of the unfailing and unflinching love that she has received. She is alive because she was accepted and nourished. She could just as easily been turned away. And she would have died. She would have been another beautiful and forgotten lost baby in the cycle of gross poverty and neglect in Haiti. But she was saved because they took her and loved her. She will have a good life. A healthy life. A happy life. Because they took her. And they loved her.

The boys have been through so much in their short 7 and 13 years. And without being sustained by the nourishment, soul care, and love they have received at the orphanage, I’m not sure where they would be in life right now.  Their lives are headed in a different direction. They will have us. They will have our loving family. Though none of us are perfect, and we will all have to take things one day at a time, they will have us. And we will never give up on them. They will be educated. They will have proper healthcare. They will have opportunities. And they will have love. And that is all because they were sustained and loved and nourished by the orphanage.

There are children at our orphanage that may never be adopted. There are children with a wide range of needs. And there is a strong, and loving staff that dedicates their lives to ensuring that each child has clean clothing and meals to eat every day. They are the women who are there when our children scrape their knees or need to blow their noses. They are the ones who take care of them when they have the flu. They nursed them through the chicken pox. They are the ones who have sung the lullabies and taught our children how to rejoice and be thankful for what they have. There are men and women who spend their days ensuring that the common ailments that plague Haiti are prevented at the orphanage. Cholera, E-coli, Tuberculosis, Scabies, and more all happen in Haiti frequently. And the staff takes these issues seriously. When there are cases of these illnesses, they work to eradicate the issue.

Living in Haiti is a difficult life. Living in Haiti in a position of service is no easier. There is little time to be selfish when you run an orphanage. There are mouths to feed, people to pay, problems to solve, lawyers to keep accountable, agencies and parents who want answers and results, and a host of other responsibilities. It is no small task. And yet, our orphanage tackles these details daily. The doors stay open because they continue to keep their goals in mind and work to keep the children sustained. And I thank them for that.

There are so many things that I am thankful for in this process. Yes, it is really hard to think about them when I’m in the middle of the never-ending nightmare that is the state of our adoptions. But my children are alive. They are happy. And I have so many wonderful memories of the people I’ve met, respect, and have come to love in this process. I greet women at the orphanage with a smile, a “bonjou”, a kiss on the cheek, and I know that they love my children. I know that they know I love my children. And I respect the bond that we have because we know that our goal is the same: to give these children what they deserve in life. The nannies are keeping my children alive and preparing them for their lives with me. They celebrate when we have victories (like running around the entire orphanage to show everyone that the boys finally got passports), and they hug me through the tears and frustrations. They take my children from me during those dreaded “goodbye” times, and they hold them and love them, and tell them that I’m coming back. And that gives my shattered heart the adhesive it needs to keep going and not lie on the floor sobbing in ridiculous grief.

I am thankful for each and every person who has dedicated their time and their hearts to our orphanage. I’ve seen so many sad little faces turn to smiles. I’ve seen tears wiped away. I’ve seen bloody cuts mended. I’ve seen children on iv’s and feeding tubes who feel content because they have been reassured that it will be ok. I’ve seen the family that runs the orphanage sacrifice their freedoms to care for our children. Running the orphanage is their life. Their children make sacrifices for the better of all the children at the orphanage. They effectively share their parents with dozens of other children. It truly is an example of the adage “it takes a village to raise a child”. Our orphanage is it’s own small village. And the village is a large family.

Because our kids have all become family in this process, I’m also thankful that through this process I’ve met so many wonderful people who will be or are already raising my children’s friends. It is wonderful to know that we will be able to continue to keep our children in touch with one another and share our life experiences as they grow. I can’t imagine what this process would be like without those who have shared it with me. We all speak a common language. We have all held each other through the tears. We’ve toasted our cheers over rhum punch. We’ve greeted each other at the entrance of the process, and we’ve seen each other off at the end of the process. And I know years down the road, we will all continue to be thankful that we have been brought together by our orphanage.

This is a season in Hell, no doubt. But there are many miracles that have taken place. And I truly believe in my heart that every single person who I’ve mentioned is there with the right feelings in their hearts. They want the children to be happy. They want them to be safe. They want them to be loved. They want them to live a full and complete life.  It is not lost on me that we share the same values and goals. I just wish that there had been better oversight in our process so that the disintegration of the relationships I’ve spent two and a half years building didn’t’ have to happen. I hope that anyone who has been bitter or offended by my responses to our process issues understands that I am acting in what I believe is the best interest of my children and in no way, shape, or form intend for any of my actions to have a negative impact on the process of adoptions, the orphanage we are using, and especially not the children. My hope is that instead of feeling offended that I have found out inconsistencies, lies and falsifications; that our experiences will lend an opportunity for an overhaul of the process. Audits need to be done. Files need to be checked. People need to be fired. New and reliable people need to be hired. But we want the goal to remain what we know it to be – to find the children of our orphanage good families who will make the same commitment to the children that the orphanage has made – to become their family - to put everything in their lives on hold to love and protect their children.  I love that my children have been loved. And I’m doing everything in my power to give my children the life I promised to give them. I have put my life and the remainder of my family on hold. We have all made sacrifices. We are doing what those who run our orphanage have done and what they have asked us to do – we are loving our children way too much. And we won’t ever stop.

So thank you deeply for your years of service to our children. We are very happy that we have been given this opportunity, and we will take it from here.