Never in my life have I been so desperate to
seek approval.
We have been sitting pretty in IBESR for exactly
ten months as of today. By comparison, the boys had entered, gained approval,
sat for presidential dispensation, received dispensation, received the director’s
signature, and exited IBESR in eight months. So to say that I’m antsy and ready
for some news on V would be a colossal understatement.
I’m itching for movement on her and have been
for over a year. We started the process to adopt her in July of 2012 and yet
here we are so very far long after that trying to find the patience to continue
to wage through this process to be granted the opportunity to adopt her.
While I’m basking in the blissful success of
finding out yesterday that our boys have received USCIS approval for their visas, I’m
feeling the added stress of knowing that I’ll be leaving Haiti soon – and
possibly with no more information on V’s adoption than when I arrived here in
July of 2013. Yes, that’s right – a full year after starting the process to
adopt her. At least until November 2013 I was allowed to see her, but that ceased
when the new adoption law here in Haiti was printed in the legal magazine/paper,
Le Moniteur just prior to Thanksgiving. I haven’t seen her since that day.
While the passing of this new law should have been a good thing, it has marked
a time frame that reflects a gaping wide loop-hole in the implementation of
expected positive change that families like ours are drowning in.
My recent facebook post is a small indication
that after four years of adopting from Haiti, I’m really losing my cool:
“i get lots of messages about v. and i have not had much that i
can share. the past 8 weeks have been horrible. i miss her dearly. for that
matter all of 2013 completely sucked and i've cried more this year than any
year of my life. and being 18 months out from starting her adoption and being
nowhere closer to bringing her home hurts very deeply.
i've come to find out that members of for his glory (fhg), the
group that sponsors our orphanage, maison des enfants de dieu, recently
traveled to our orphanage. accompanying an adoptive mom who is the president of
the board of fhg, was another adoptive mom. though i fully support visits to
our orphanage as i feel that all parents should be able to see their children
as often as possible; it hurts to know that a family who is in ibesr (like we
are), who is under the new law (like we are), who is not currently referred
their child (like we are), was allowed at the orphanage to see their child (we
are not). we were told 8 weeks ago by the director, pierre alexis, that under
the new adoption law passed here in haiti, that it is ILLEGAL for me to be at the
orphanage. it is ILLEGAL for me to see my daughter. until the office of ibesr
re-matches our files, we are not allowed to see v.
so why is this family allowed to see their daughter? because of
friendship and privilege. friendship that i no longer have with those who
sponsor the orphanage because i spoke the truth about what has happened to us.
and privilege that i don't have because i'm not a radio personality. i'm not a
deep pocket donor. i'm just a MOM.
so my update on v is that i have no idea when i will see her
again. and apparently there is no real reason why. we can't get any word on her
process. all i know is that she is still sleeping in the baby room, which means
that she is still kept in a cage-like crib with a side that is tied closed when
she is not being supervised. she is not learning how to play or talk with
children her age as she should be. and she is NO CLOSER TO COMING HOME.
i am two miles away from where she is tonight, and the only
thing i can do with the information that i've come to find out that is killing
me from the inside out is to share the truth. i have contacted my agency. i
have requested that they reply with a date for when i can see my daughter. this
is unacceptable.
i can not and will not hide what is happening to our family. we
have been continually lied to, ignored, used, and mistreated in this process.
my boys have been in this country far longer than they should be. i never
should have had to move to haiti to process my own adoptions. and my daughter
should be coming home not sitting tied into a cage. i want my daughter.
pierre alexis should be ashamed of himself. screen shot this.
re-read it. shake your head. say what you will if you want to talk about me
behind my back. i will blog about it too. call the for his glory lawyer. i'll
refer him to our lawyer. they already know each other. tell who ever you would like. this is
not right. anyone who thinks that it is should be ashamed of themselves. anyone
who thinks that my speaking out is damaging, is living in the same fear that
kept me quiet for so long. no more. i will no longer allow fear to guide my
actions. my daughter deserves better than this.
i shouldn't have to blow kisses at a gate while others are
allowed passage through to see and love their children.
veronika, i love you more than words can say, and i will fight
for you with every nano-ounce of my being. i won't give up on us.”
The last real update we received on V was that
her file was re-submitted to IBER on November 29th. Apparently her
file, when submitted on October 21st, was rejected, thus, the need
for a re-format. Additionally,
though we have been told by several people who are aware of the new process
IBESR is following under the new law that we should be receiving a file number
for our daughter’s submitted file, we have been repeatedly told by our
orphanage director, Pierre, that he did not receive a file number. After ten
months of our parent file sitting in IBESR awaiting approval, we also have no
word from our orphanage or either of the lawyers appointed to our case by our
agency or our orphanage. It has been a long ten months.
To put our case into perspective, children who
were processed efficiently by our orphanage, as our daughter should have been,
now have passports and are very close to coming home to their families and we
are still awaiting approval for the permission and the re-match of her file to
ours so that we can begin the process to adopt her. And another week has rolled
into another month has rolled into another calendar year since we fell in love
with her and we still know nothing. And she continues to sit in her cage.
I came across an example online of a family who
posted that they were matched with their child in September 2012, exited IBESR
in June 2013 and brought their child home – HOME January 21, 2014. This is how
it should have been for all of the children caught in the gaping loop-hole.
They shouldn’t be sitting in cages waiting for someone to make a decision. They
shouldn’t have to spend their lives while someone uses them as a paycheck.
I am asked periodically what I think of the two
agencies and the orphanage that we work with, and I am always very honest.
“i
will give props to CCAI if anyone is looking to use them. our adoption
counselor with ccai is my sanity. we use two agencies and are adopting three
children from the same orphanage. we started the process four years ago with
children of all nations. our boys are with can. i have been living in haiti for
the past six months and have had no help finishing the process to adopt my two
boys who i've had in my custody since i got here. i have had to correct
documents and have learned that i had falsified documents. my boys are the
longest current outstanding referral at our orphanage. and due to a lack of
proper facilitation, my daughter's adoption (through ccai) has been stalled for
the past 18 months. as of right now, i'm not even allowed to see my daughter
because i'm a pre-matched family being processed under the new law. i feel that
there is a huge problem with transparency, honesty, and a total lack of
professionalism at our orphanage. the kids need better resources, and the
parents are not utilized as resources, but merely as mules to bring donations.
the standard time frame at our orphanage is also absurdly long. and i am one of
many very unhappy parents. there are several happy parents, some of whom are in
this forum who are on the board of a group that supports our orphanage. so they
have a happier story than i do. but they never would have been given falsified
docs.”
Apparently my being vocal has struck some nerves
and I’ve been warned several times that I may not be safe living in Haiti. I
will not be silenced. My daughter sits in a cage. If I could place a cone of
shame on the necks of the lawyers and the orphanage director, I would. Enough
is enough.
While half of me is parading and dancing in the
delight that my boys can FINALLY COME HOME, the other half of me is still in a
festering pit of despair that I have no more information on how or even if I
will be able to take my daughter home.
But the gloves are off and bombs are away, and I’m going to do
everything I can with sails full of hurricane force winds and tides raging and
pushing my little ship toward the adoption success shore. I will fight this
good fight. She deserves us and we deserve her and I will not stop until she is
running around my kitchen with footed pajamas and afro puffs; with that
beautiful smile and those huge eyes looking at me contented – and HOME.
The boys and I will leave Haiti on February 13,
2014. It will be seven months and one day since I arrived in Haiti to bring
them home. It will be the 17th flight home to Pittsburgh since
starting this process. And it will be the final one without them. We have been
in this process for four years. Officially
as of Valentine’s Day 2014 when we will mark the day we submitted our home
study to USCIS for permission to adopt from Haiti a mere month after the
earthquake of 2010 and they will be home with us. But we will be far from done.
The fat lady will sing while V rings her little
bell all the way home – one day.
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