The Sorority of Adoptive Mother's

We have a huge base of support from family and friends who supply us an unwavering championing and sideline rallying through this process. And we are very THANKFUL for all of you. We feel your love. We feel your support. We feel your encouragement. And we feel your tears when ours flow.

There’s another group of people we’ve come to know that are sharing this process with us as well. One of the unexpected perks to this process; is the relationships we’ve been able to develop with other adoptive moms and dads. Mostly moms. But a few dads here and there. However, I really like that the group of moms I regularly message have come to identify themselves as the Sorority of Adoptive Mother’s. I never joined a sorority. I never felt much like it was something that fit me. However, I’m pleasantly surprised and happy to have found the group of families that I lean on for the hard times and celebrate the successes with. This is the first sorority I’ve ever been a part of. We come from all different religions, political affiliations, states, and countries. We have a beautifully diverse set of experiences and personalities. We offer a huge array of thought and perspective on this process. And we use each other as a sounding board and a towline when the feelings we all naturally feel have pushed us over the edge.

There are so many people who have done such a beautiful job of supporting us through this process. Some know to just stop asking questions. Others hesitatantly, and with good hearts ask their questions delicately. Others rescue us by helping with odds and ends in the states. Some bring us gifts to Haiti. We truly have received the most amazing support. Sometimes it’s a couple packages of wipes (THANK YOU!!!). Sometimes it’s several bottles of bug spray so that I don’t become a “mosquito buffet” (THANK YOU!!!!). Sometimes it’s the box of wine that wasn’t consumed fully on the bonding trip (THANK YOU!!!!!). Sometimes it’s a bottle of bubbles that become a day’s worth of entertainment for my ridiculously bored children who take “cabin fever” to a whole new level (THANK YOU!!!!). Sometimes it’s a couple jars of peanut butter, some Pepto tablets, a blow up baby pool, and some band-aids (THANK YOU!!!!). Sometimes it’s an offer to send packages even though I have to unfortunately and regretfully decline as the postage is ridiculously expensive (Pony Express doesn’t swim) and well…customs has “sticky fingers”, but THANK YOU!!!!! Some have offered to visit (THANK YOU!!!).  Sometimes it’s a salad flown in from Miami with blue cheese dressing and a side of a hunk of cheddar cheese – because wonderful friendships, and sisterly love involve cheese and international efforts to accommodate salad urges (THANK YOU!!!!).  And sometimes it’s squeezing toothpaste into 3 oz. containers for special delivery of the only kind of toothpaste that I’m not allergic to (THANK YOU!!!!).

Despite all I’m thankful for, many times in this process I’ve thought, “ok this HAS to be rock bottom”…and then along comes another gust of feverishly horrific wind and I find that what I thought was the worst, the final fall that delivered me to the ultimate “rock bottom”, was just a ledge further down from the edge I spiraled off of long ago. And while I sit, huddled on this little ledge and wait for the sun to shine and the wind to stop blowing; I hear the kindness of others (THANK YOU!!!). I feel the kindness of others (THANK YOU!!!). And I have hope again (THANK YOU!!!). And when the wind knocks me off that ledge and I fall again, I feel the towline of a friend who knows better than anyone else that I need them (THANK YOU!!!). Sometimes it’s a morning call from a friend who is patient enough to talk to me while I’m doing an 8-mile workout. Because she gets that life requires multi-tasking (THANK YOU!!!). Sometimes it’s a text containing my sick kind of humor. Just what I need to put a smile on my face (THANK YOU!!!). Sometimes it’s an autographed book from one of my favorite authors (OMG THANK YOU!!!!).  Sometimes it’s an offer to comb through the details of our agency contract to help me hold them accountable (THANK YOU!!!). Sometimes it’s a message to me here in Haiti to let me know that you are thinking about me (THANK YOU!!!). And sometimes it’s a message containing all the $*&!#$%^$^&#@!!!!!’s that I can’t possibly even begin to try to explain, and that just tells me that you GET it. THANK YOU!!!

I can’t imagine what this process would be like without the hugs, and the tears, and the RHUM PUNCHES that I’ve shared with so many people. I can’t imagine not knowing all of you who’s children I’ve held, and loved, and photographed, and tickled, and sung songs with, and stamped hands of. Each of you is beautiful and I’m so happy to see how each of these adoptions is a perfect fit. You and your children are meant for each other. And witnessing that is healing for me.  I’ve welcomed people to Haiti to meet their children. And I’ve seen them go home with their children. And yes, I’m still here. But THANK YOU for showing me grace and understanding. And THANK YOU for championing me even when you know that it may take a while for me to see it because of the crappy wifi. And THANK YOU for thinking of me on the hard days. And THANK YOU for praying for the good days to come.

The good days are coming. They are.

Many of the moms I have shared this experience with have gone home. They tuck their little ones into bed at night and they finally have the episode of Haitian adoption behind them. But one mom lived this with me. She came to Haiti this past summer with me to work on the remainder of her adoption and take her children home. She is another ultra-crazy adoptive mom who went off the same deep end I did and adopted three children. We have known each other for two years, and just this year we found out that we adopted cousins. Our sons are cousins. Fantastic. What a huge surprise. Of course the boys somehow didn’t realize how amazing this news is, and didn’t really feel the need to tell us. But upon finding out that we too are now family, our bond strengthened even more. We are happy to not only have found new friends in this family, but we are ecstatic to now call them our family as well. It is very exciting to us to know that we can keep our children connected – as a family. And we intend to do yearly family reunions. They will be epic. And loud. Definitely loud. And we are so THANKFUL to have more family now. I am so THANKFUL for her.

When she left Haiti a few weeks back to take her kids home, we had tears and painful “see you soon’s”. We didn’t do the “goodbye”, because we know this was not “goodbye”, but rather a “see you later”, but hopefully “not too much later”, and there were notes of “oh dear god how do we do this without each other”. After four months of living in Haiti and depending on each other for companionship, good times, good laughs, lots of rhum, play dates, pizza parties, birthday parties, swim days, errands and grocery shopping, and all the discoveries along the way, it felt really weird to be separated from my “cousin”. We just “got” each other. In ways that words just can’t explain. We started to speak and understand Kreyol as one functioning person. She could understand better than I could, and I could speak better than she could. And we strongly considered tying ourselves together. Our kids were so natural together and it truly made our time here in Haiti so much better than it would have been had we both done this solo. I’m so thankful that her series of unfortunate events that led to her need to live here was similar to my series of unfortunate events that led to me living here. As much as I hate that either of us has had said series of unfortunate events, if there is anyone I would have liked to spend my time in purgatory with, it’s her. And I think that we both grew and have morsels of friendship and sisterhood from this experience that cannot be replaced with anything outside of the sphere of our captivity on this island. She doesn’t know how much she saved me here. There were so many tears. So many laughs. So many victories. So many failures. So many WTF moments. So many beautifully horrific things that we experienced together and I just can’t imagine what it would have been without her. I’m stronger now, here in Haiti, alone. I wouldn’t have been able to make it this far without her. And as much as it pained us both to give the teary hugs when she left, I know that she and her family are thriving and living and it gives me so much hope to know that the work we’ve done and the time I’ve spent here is making things better for the kids once I take them home.  THANK YOU hundreds of thousands of times over. You may never know how singing that stupid Kesha song in church that day was the only thing that kept me from falling into the fetal position on the floor to commence in an epic panic stricken, full-on hyperventilating cry. And you did it in the blink of an eye.

I know that there will be so many people who will celebrate with us when I can finally leave Haiti. I really truly appreciate that so many will take a huge sigh of relief. They will exhale. They will smile. They will praise. They will celebrate. And I know there is a core group of people who will be able to finally fully enjoy their own victories knowing that we have finally made it home. THANK YOU for feeling this with us. We can't wait to share the feeling of success.

THANK YOU!!!