Crohn's Disease takes it's turn

September had arrived and we were not closer to any changes in V’s process. And we hadn’t received any notice of significant progress in bringing the boys home. I was feeling deflated. I had hoped to be able to bring the boys home by mid September at the latest.  By early September, I was starting to feel the signs that it was time for my regular course of Remicade. Crohn’s Disease is such an evil thing to experience. I was hoping that I would have the boys back in the U.S. in time for my regularly scheduled infusion. However, by the time the aches and pains started to set in, I was four weeks overdue for the medication.  I was coping daily with using topical remedies, like icy hot to dull the pain of inflammation. But on September 7, I took a hard fall down the staircase in my apartment and I realized that if my back wasn’t broken, it was time to get the infusion. I took a trip to the hospital in Port au Prince, Project Medishare, to have an x-ray. Thankfully my back was not broken. And luckily, I was able to meet and thank one of the many people who helped Veronika get the proper treatment that saved her life twice. It was at that hospital that my baby was given a chance to live again twice! Though I would have preferred to go there to spread my thanks under different circumstances, being able to say thank you was nonetheless a profound experience for me.  I decided it was probably a good idea to go home to the states to have my back checked out and to get an infusion. I made the arrangements to go home, but first I wanted to be in Haiti to spend Parker’s 13^th birthday with him. On September 9, I hobbled and carefully moved around but was able to spend the day with him and give him a small dose of birthday celebration. We had cupcakes. Though he was determined to tell everyone it was not his birthday, I persisted in telling him that he can change his name, but he cannot change his birthday.  On September 11 we found out that our extract had FINALLY been written. However, it still needed to be signed. UGH. Every victory here always comes with a “BUTTTTTTT we need eleven more things to make this document legitimate”…So on September 14, I flew home for my infusion hoping that upon my return we would have a signature and be well on our way to having passports in our hands.

Being home in Pittsburgh for a few short days was like walking through a dream fully awake. It was weird. I was so happy to see J and the kids, but it was that much more sad to experience a few days of what our lives should be. Knowing that I had to return to the struggle of trying to get to that point was so difficult. I infused, saw my Dr., and loaded up more baggage to bring back to Haiti and returned on September 18. Though the boys had been very well cared for by one of their favorite nannies, and had a few days of tv watching, game playing and freedom from mom; they showed me that they had really missed me. Parker told me that Djedly woke up one morning and said to Parker, “I really miss mom”. And Parker called me four times the first day to say that he missed me and loved me.  Apparently Veronika couldn’t wait to share her good news with me, but luckily Kelly caught her on video WALKING!!! After trying to get her to walk all summer long, she finally took the plunge and took her first independent steps the day before I returned. I had just purchased a wooden walker for her to the tune of $117 and another at Good Will for $2. So I instructed J to return the wooden walker and I packed the $2 one for her to use for added support…I can’t believe she started walking THE DAY BEFORE I CAME BACK!!! This is a huge sign of what I’ve always believed.  She will do things when she is good and ready.  Coming back was harder than I expected it to be. I was that much more out of patience than when I left. And NOTHING happened while I was gone. The extract was not signed and we were not going to see passports any time soon.

Impatiently waiting for our extract was a very difficult thing to experience. I’ve watched so many children “fly” through a system that I’m not even capable of crawling through. I watched a group of children leave for their passport photos one day and as I looked I realized that almost every single child in the group hadn’t even been born yet when my children entered the orphanage. This process is not fair. It is not linear. And it is so hard to let that sink in when you see the evidence so boldly presented to you in the simplest way. Such as a small group of unknowing toddlers carted off for their photos to be laminated in the all important travel book, a passport. They will all have the right and ability to leave this island before my boys will. And the harshest of these realities is that these children lacked a very important member of the group, my little v. she would have been part of this group if she had been submitted when her file was ready. She would have the right to leave this island before her brothers would. Instead she will remain here for likely a very long time. That sickens me.

Advocating for V

In an attempt to try to get some progress started for V’s adoption while I’m living in Haiti, our agency asked us to write a letter that would be delivered to IBESR. This letter was to explain our love for our daughter and our hope that we will be re-matched with her, all while not being critical of the office of the IBESR or of the Haitian government. This is the letter we wrote:

To Whom It May Concern:

I first met our daughter Veronika Macillon when she was brought to our orphanage shortly after her birth and her mother’s death in March 2012. We had no plans to adopt a baby from Haiti. I was visiting our two boys here in Haiti at the time and knew immediately that I had a primal need to take care of Veronika. I sat in awe of her as I watched and prayed and encouraged her to fight to live. She struggled to hold on to life for months. She was blind and deaf until she was almost three months old.  My soul ached for her to be my child for months and after multiple hospitalizations, my husband and I decided that even if we lost her, the mighty littler warrior, our sweet little Veronika needed parents. We could not let her die without a loving family.  Due to severe repeated breathing complications, bronchitis and pneumonia Veronika was hospitalized twice and almost died. In August 2012 when we found out about the second hospitalization and that she was on oxygen and feeding tubes, we started the process to adopt her. She was four months old. The day after we started the process to adopt her, after being told honestly that she might not live, she was miraculously removed from her feeding and oxygen tubes and was released from the hospital a day later. She is our miracle and has been on her road to healing ever since. 

In the months after we began the process to expedite her dossier, we were crushed to find that the director of our orphanage was unable to submit our file to IBESR before the closure deadline. Veronika’s mother’s death certificate arrived two days prior to the closure deadline and our file had not yet been legalized. When our file was not submitted by the deadline our orphanage was told that our match with Veronika would be honored, but that our referral was no longer valid and we would not be allowed to have her on our bonding trips to Haiti until after her file had been submitted to IBESR and matched under the new process. We waited for six long months for our file to be accepted under the new guidelines and the quota. Our file was accepted by IBESR on April 1, 2013. Our lawyer submitted our file along with a letter explaining our express intent and desire to adopt Veronika. We were told that our file would be evaluated and once we received approval Veronika would be matched with us once again.  We have not received any further information since our submission April 1, 2013. We greatly desire to be re-matched with our daughter.

 I average a visit about every eight weeks. In the past year I have come to Haiti eight times. I have spent as much time with Veronika as I possibly can while also raising two of our other children in the United States and spending as much time as possible with our two adopted Haitian sons. When I can come to Haiti, I sit on the porch of the orphanage and play with her. Because she has some developmental delays due to her illnesses, I try to encourage her to walk and play with toys. I also try to bond with her as best I can. I long for a time when I can have her with me and spend time properly bonding with her individually. I have been living in Haiti since July 2012 with the hope that we can make some progress with her case and that we will be able to work to bring her home. I try to spend as much time with her as possible while I am here. She knows that I am her mom. We spend as much time in Haiti as a family as possible, as the value of our time bonding is priceless. We have seen as much development as we possibly can and we cherish every moment we can spend together as a family. Veronika knows her siblings and her dad and we are all quite bonded as a family. Our American children have traveled to Haiti four times now and we have all been living with a heavy burden of the fear that we are not currently referred or matched with Veronika any longer. We hope that this dread will pass with news from your office that we will be matched with her again soon. I would sooner lose a limb from my body than leave my daughter behind. Please help us bring her home. She is almost eighteen months old. We desperately want to have our family together to continue to bond and grow.

Our express desire is to enable her to have every resource possible to keep her health sustained and make sure she has every opportunity for a strong and happy future. She is such a joyful and happy child. We were once graciously honored to be given the chance to be her family. We hope to feel that joy once again. We sincerely hope that we can provide the miracles she deserves and continue this process to adopt her. We want nothing more in the world than to unite our family and be given the chance to raise our beautiful and amazing children together. Veronika was a blessed surprise in our lives and we hope that all of this is one day a story we can tell her about the process to bring her home.

                                                                        Veronika’s loving parents,

                                                                                    Jen & JJ

Working in Haiti

Feeling like I’ve accomplished nothing in the time I’ve been here, I decided to throw myself into whatever projects I can help benefit in my time here. I started a craft with the kids, and it has really taken off. I have been painting rocks found on the grounds of the orphanage. And of this small craft was born a fundraising project that we have been calling, Rockin’ Haitian Mommas! We have been selling them for $20 each. At our orphanage, $20 will purchase the food for 67 meals to be consumed. Not too shabby.  Within a few weeks of starting to advertise my little craft on Facebook, I received a custom order for 20 Asian Rockin’ Haitian Momma’s for a child’s birthday party. This order resulted in a $400 donation to our orphanage. This order alone paid for 1,340 meals to be consumed by our children. AWESOME! I’m excited that this project is being received so positively. Rockin’ Haitian Mommas are now for sale in Fermathe, Haiti at The Baptist Mission gift shop, Mountain Maid.  All rocks are found on the grounds of the orphanage and the streets of Port au Prince, Haiti. 100% of the funds I collect from the rocks I paint are donated directly to our orphanage.

You can see images of the Rockin' Haitian Mommas here:

https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=529780397103645&id=120354501379572

and Mini Momma's can be seen here:

https://www.facebook.com/permalink.php?story_fbid=529781207103564&id=120354501379572

Please see more information on The Baptist Mission here:

http://www.bhm.org

I also started teaching the project to some of the women of Kofael. I’m hoping that it helps them by providing another opportunity for them to make and sell goods to support their families. Additionally, I helped with the initial organization and promotion of a foundation here in Haiti called Fondasyon Timoun Jodi. The goal of the foundation is to provide the means for street kids and children here in Haiti, who have lost a parent, to go to school.  Please consider helping this foundation in their goal to help give these deserving children a bright future.

More information about Kofael and the women this wonderful project supports can be found here:

http://empoweringwomeninhaiti.blogspot.com/2012/10/ankourajman.html

Fondasyon Timoun Jodi is a small project with a bright future. Please read about how this fledgling foundation is working to help educate Haiti’s children:

http://valuehaiti.blogspot.com

The timing of my stay in Haiti aligned perfectly to help with a lot of the marketing and fundraising materials used for a campaign known as 30 Abes. A food-packing event that took place in Tennessee sponsored by TEEM HAITI, Numana, and The Bobby Bones Show produced 50,000 meals that have been shipped to Haiti to benefit our orphanage. Rockin’ Haitian Mommas were available at the event. I hope that they helped bring in a little cash to help pay for the much needed food and supplies our children require.

More information about the 30 Abes event can be found here:

http://thirtyabes.com

Britt and Leo go back to life already in progress and I get to work!

The time to leave came way too fast. On August 12 it was really hard to watch them go. Leo curled up into Britt’s lap in the back of the vehicle on the way to the airport and cried. He wouldn’t even look at me. Poor buddy. This process has required such huge sacrifices from all of us. We have been adopting for more than half of Leo’s life.  This needs to conclude. It’s so far past time for the boys to come home. And I never want to have to see my children cry because they don’t know how long it will be before they see mom again.

With an ache in my heart for the three family members that would be on the other side of an ocean in a few hours, I decided that it was really time to roll up my sleeves and get to work here in Haiti.  The following week I went to the embassy and met with the director, Mr. Kefi. We thought that our passports would be issued soon, and he told me that as soon as I had our files to bring them and ask for him in person. He confirmed that he would be evaluating the files for approval himself!

As the days passed and no passports were printed, we came to find that MOI would not release the boys’ files and print passports until the birth certificate extract for Parker was received.  Considering that Djedly’s file is complete, we were confounded that MOI decided to hold even his file hostage. They will not release his file without his brother’s extract. So essentially, a child who has been legally adopted under Haitian law since December of 2012 is not eligible to go to the U.S. until his brother’s documentation is ready. What a colossal injustice. At this point in time, I turned back to the agencies and the orphanage to ask for increased advocacy. This process has failed our children at every single step. And now we had another incredibly unreasonable wait. We have asked for months for our agency to send someone to Haiti to help improve this process and advocate for our children to come home.  We have been told, “they are working on it”. But with our daughter’s case in the balance, we fear that being bold will only secure that she will not come home to us. So August wasted away. On August 31 I woke up with an ache that filled the emptiness that was delivered to my heart by knowing that I would not be spending the day with Britt on her 14^th birthday. To make matters feel that much better, I couldn’t reach her that day by phone or message to tell her how much I love and miss her. She was amazingly understanding about and said, “mom, you are never with Parker and Djedly on their birthdays. You’re only missing one of mine. It’s ok. It’s important for you to be there with them right now.”

Moving to Haiti

In early June just as the kids were wrapping up school and we were evaluating what to do about the state of all of our adoptions, we found out that V’s relinquishment document was ALSO incorrect. Hers also stated that her mom relinquished her in court two months after she died. YEAH. Even in Haiti that’s impossible. Thus catapulting V’s adoption right back into the crapper. Every bit of documentation related to her relinquishment had to be completely redone. But not just paperwork. Court appointments had to be made and her great aunt had to establish rights to her and then give them up. Which makes no sense. Her mother died. There is no birth father on record. Her aunt carried her little body to the orphanage and turned her over and for that, she has established rights and will have to go through the entire process of this adoption as if she is V’s mom. It is unfair to her. The emotional roller coaster of this process fails so many. Especially the men and women who make the hardest decisions of their lives – to give their jewels, their children to another. And the scariest part of all of this, in addition to more time wasted, is that there will be a 30-day window available for her family to reclaim her if they so choose. While I completely understand that anyone who has the ability to raise a child they love should be given that opportunity, V is 18 months old and has bonded with our family. She knows us to be her family. And this would be a catastrophic interruption in her life. It just made me so sad to hear that we would be going through everything we had just accomplished for Parker all over again with V. It took us a year and a half to get Parker’s relinquishment document corrected. What more will happen before our kids can just come home already?!!! I found out that I shouldn’t ask that question.

On June 28, 2013 our files were re-submitted for MOI approval AGAIN. AS of June we started seeing a gradual trickle of families who’s files our files were HELD for receive passports and get submitted for visas.  It had become very obvious that our boys would not be coming home any time soon. And I had to come to the incredibly emotional conclusion that our boys wouldn’t be home for summer camps or possibly even in time for school. At that point in time, I decided to move to Haiti and oversee the remainder of this process to bring my boys home and do what ever possible to love my daughter, teach her to walk, advocate for her file to be submitted to IBESR and get her re-matched with our family. One could say the crazy switch had been flipped and I was as they say in Kreyol, “FINI”! Enough of this already.

On July 12, 2013 Britt and Leo and I arrived in Haiti. We dropped our 15 bags off at the hotel and got a ride from the owner, Abi. He took us to the orphanage to pick up Parker and Djedly and to see V.  I know the boys had no idea that this would be “it”. But I tried to explain to them that I had decided that I couldn’t say goodbye to them again, so I moved to Haiti and they would be living with me until I could take them home. Upon our arrival, we found out that V’s documents would need further evaluation and it would likely still take months before her file would be submitted to IBESR and a re-match would take place. This eliminated any hope I had that she would also be able to live with us. So we set up a schedule and started visiting the orphanage every other day. I felt it was necessary for the other four kids to have some down time in between the long and hot days spent on the porch. In our down time we spent every afternoon swimming in the pool, playing games, watching movies and doing anything possible to stave off boredom and not melt in the Haitian summer sun. A few weeks after we arrived we found out that the STUCK crew was headed to Haiti with my friend to film her picking up her daughters. I was delighted that their process had finally come to a successful conclusion. Surprisingly, one day while we were sitting on the porch with V, Craig Juntunen and Cynthia McFadden and her film crew from ABC Nightline showed up at the orphanage. They were gathering footage to use for a special Nightline was producing to follow up on our STUCK march and rally from May. I spoke with Cynthia and Craig on camera at length about my desire to remain in Haiti with my children until they could come home.  I hope to be able to follow up with them one day soon to report that I have cut 2 of my STUCK bracelets off and that only one remains on my wrist. I am not sure if or when this special will be aired. It seems that Syria and all the other really important drama that is currently taking place in the world has put our adoption issue on the back burner.  If anyone sees the airing of, or knows about the special we were interviewed for, please let me know.

*NOTE: The special aired. Our interview was scrapped, but I think this is a good interview. My friend Ruth is a wonderful example of the process we are all experiencing. I was very happy to see her take her girls home. You can see her interview here:

http://abcnews.go.com/Nightline/video/haiti-inside-international-adoption-process-20722844

One of the beautiful opportunities that living in Haiti had given me is the ability to drop everything one day and race over to the orphanage to spend a few hours with V’s family. The one and only time prior to that day that I had seen anyone from her family was the day that her great aunt Violette relinquished her. I was ecstatic to see her again. When we arrived at the orphanage I was overjoyed to not only see Violette, but her niece Orlanda who is V’s aunt and her mom Edline’s little sister, as well as her cousin Decklove. I told them that we were very happy to spend time with them and I cried because I was happy to have the opportunity for them to know how happy I am to be V’s mom. I wanted them to know how deeply she is loved and that we will give her the best life we possibly can. I brought V out to the porch so that we could all talk and spend time together and it sadly became very apparent that V wanted nothing to do with them as long as I was there. It broke my heart. I do think that it was a valuable experience for them to see how deeply bonded we are. But seeing the look on Orlanda’s face when she tried to love her older sister’s child and felt rejected was simply gut wrenching for me. I could only imagine how many nights they may have lay in their tent together watching little V bounce and kick around inside Edline’s body. And I knew that Orlanda would do any and everything she possibly could to love and take care of V if she could. But she is a child. And she cannot.  I hope that I effectively communicated my love and intent to give V the life she deserves to have. I asked them if they wanted V to know anything about her mom as she grows up. They answered that they are the only family that V has left.  A few days later, I was given another chance to see Orlanda and Decklove. This time they brought their cousin Kimberly as well. I knew that V would lose her mind and not spend any time with them if I were in her view. So I decided to spend time away from them and let them spoil her with the suckers and Pringles for a few hours. I hope they understand that I really want them to have as much time with her as possible. Later that day when she saw me, she lost her mind and tried to dive out of Orlanda’s arms. I’m understandably likely not one of Orlanda’s favorite people because of V’s immediate response. And I don’t know what else to do but tell Orlanda that I love V and promise to be the best mom I possibly can. I live by the strict orders a friend gave me when we started the process to adopt V, and I love her WAY TOO MUCH.  Always!

We were also very lucky to have a few opportunities to meet more of the boys’ family and spend several days with their mom, Epheta. She stops by the o once in a while and brings the boys fruit and snacks. It’s always awesome to see her. It is so obvious that she loves her boys. Though it must break her heart, I know she is happy that they are going to have full and happy and productive lives. And I feel her thanks in the look in her eyes when we hug. One day Epheta brought her mom and dad. It was beautiful to meet the boys’ grandparents. They have passed on their kind eyes and features to the boys. I loved every minute of our small family reunion. They hugged and loved on the boys and they expressed their feelings about the boys leaving Haiti. They told me that they will say goodbye with a smile on their face and that their tears will be happy tears, for they know that the boys are loved. I of course was shedding my own happy tears…buckets of them. I wanted to bottle up grandma and grandpa and take the lot of them home with me. I felt so relieved to have finally been able to meet the man and woman who struggled to build a life for their children and who are now watching as those lives will make their way to another country because their own country has failed to deliver the lives they intended, the lives they deserve. I explained to grandpa and grandma that I will raise the boys to always love Haiti and never let it leave their hearts.  In addition to meeting a whole bunch of aunts and uncles, we also came to find out that Ostin, a little boy we’ve known for two plus years, who is being adopted by some friends of ours, is the boys’ cousin. So not only did we inherit a gaggle of Haitian family, but we also have a new nephew and two new nieces. Ostin, Woodmany and Youvika, Kelly & William Blanchard are now our family too.

August came pretty fast, even though every day sitting on the hot porch seemed to drag on. On the 2^nd of August we were notified that we had finally received MOI approval for a SECOND time.  We expected to move forward to Passports. On August 5, we were notified that we had been submitted for passports. A few days later, J arrived to spend a few days with us and to take Britt and Leo home for the remaining few weeks of the summer and for school.  We spent our days at the orphanage so that J would have time with V. She didn’t recognize him, which was abundantly sad. How could we expect her to recognize him? It had been five months since she had seen him. Each day he spent time holding her and talking to her, trying to tell her how much he loves her. But she gave a good duck face and cried and looked to me for comfort. That was so hard to watch. I really wanted him to have that sweet snuggle time that the two of them shared in March when he first held her. He desperately wanted her to know he wad Dad and for her to know how much he loves and misses her.

STUCK x's 3!

Thanks to the valiant efforts of a phenomenal mom I’ve met in this process who adopted two little girls from our orphanage and worked tirelessly on the STUCK campaign, in mid May 2013 I participated in a march on Capital Hill with the author of Both Ends Burning, and founder of the STUCK campaign, and lobbied for congress and the senate to vote yes on the Children in Families First Act. The goal is to cut through some of the ridiculous red tape that keeps our children STUCK in the process of international adoption. The rally was a wonderful experience for Britt and Leo and I and my sister in-law, Moira. We marched carrying a banner with photos of our family and asked everyone we could talk to not to let our adoptions continue to stagnate when we all have voices and votes that can change this process. I met personally with Representative Tim Murphy along with my friend Melissa and her family. Rep Murph, as we have abbreviated it to around our house, did a fantastic job lobbying for many of the children who came home on humanitarian parole after the earthquake and it felt really good to feel that our voices were heard, valued, respected and supported. I’m very happy to say that one day when my children are home I will be presenting Rep Murph with a family portrait thanking him for helping bring my children home. I hope that day comes soon!

Please read all about Both Ends Burning and the STUCK film.

https://bothendsburning.org/initiatives/stuck/‎

The trailer for the film can be found here:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=eR9UyFh-PJk‎

Kids all around the world need your help to pass the Children in Families First Act! Please read more here about this act:

childreninfamiliesfirst.org/‎

Watch Mary Landrieu introduce the Children in Families First Act Here:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=AJVCrLXiMmU

More Confusion

Our next snafu happened toward the end of the month when we rejoiced at finding out that we had exited MOI!!! We were informed on April 21 while I was in Haiti visiting the boys and riding more awesome tile on the front porch with V, that we had received MOI approval and that we were being submitted for passports that day! Though I was on day four of perhaps the worst stomach virus known to man, so innocently delivered by my beautiful little package of love, V; I wanted to celebrate and every bit of me was happy to know that the boys really might have a chance at experiencing the late August summer sports and art camps that I built up the courage to sign them up for. That was a rough trip. I shared an apartment with my friend, and now new family member Kelly and my two nieces and nephews. We fell ill the second day we were there and the kids proceeded to spend the week going all Lord of the Flies on copious amounts of sugar while Kelly and I laid in a ying yang pattern on beds and took turns rushing to the bathroom. Kelly proved that one is capable of carrying a purple melamine bowl like a purse for three days. Truth. Though we would have been happy for someone to shoot us and put us out of our misery, it was a fantastic trip that solidified some pretty awesome bonds our kids have. 

Shortly after returning from the April bonding trip to Haiti, we found out that our files were not submitted for passports as we were told they would be.   There were two documents missing. One from each of their files would have to be obtained before we would be submitted for passports. And since those files were not obtained in time, our files were held once again while the passport office was renovated. We were told that we would have to wait for submission when the office re-opened. The office was reportedly closed for five days. However, upon multiple requests per week for an update on whether our files were ready for submission to passports, we were told that the passport office remained closed. I repeatedly sighted examples to both of our agency that the passport office was in fact re-opened five days after it was closed. I provided several examples of families who had emerged from MOI a full month after we had who received passports in ten days – all while the passport office was reportedly closed. And yet our files continued to sit with no movement. Then one day all of a sudden our orphanage confirmed that the passport office was indeed open but that our files had significant errors and they wouldn’t be submitted for passports until the errors were corrected and our files were re-submitted to MOI for additional approval.